Please note that "Tweeking" means I'm done, it just means that I am saying "Oh, this sentence sounds better like this" or "It's clearer when written like this"
"The difference between bravery and stupidity is if the plan works" - Newrok Shadowblade, Saint of Creation in Shadowgate 14:29, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- You really need to differentiate, in the first paragraph, what makes a Darkblade different from a Rogue or Shadowdancer. Then you need to remove any <- and -> that remain in the page, and add in-page links. Surgo 15:00, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Also, a spell-checker. You really, really need to use one. Surgo 15:08, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
Improved Shadowcall's basically an at-will save-or-die with no limitations on use and it's a ranged touch attack. Very wizard-level IMO. Plus, shadowhealing + maximized Hide or invisibility = free full health. Also rather wizard level I think. This really seems all over the place in terms of the power of individual abilities, and the wording doesn't help clarify matters much, but those two are quite powerful especially given that improved Shadowcall is also based on your roll as well instead of fixed DC. - TG Cid 15:30, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- The reason why I gave Shadowcall a ranged touch attack and a oposing roll was because you first have to be able to "hit" the target, then a force of wills. But now that I think about it, your right. - Dukelzan
I'm a little confused by "IMO" could you clarify that abbreviation? I've alo never hear of the spell "Hide" (the way your using it) or can you use meatamagic feat with skills in a varient rule I haven't seen?
"The difference between bravery and stupidity is if the plan works" - Newrok Shadowblade, Saint of Creation in Shadowgate 20:17, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- I was referring to the skill, but I meant if you took the maximum amount of ranks possible in that skill. - TG Cid 20:23, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
Another Issue Edit
What on earth is "all three ACs"? Surgo 20:27, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- I just changed that. What I meant was Basic armor class, touch armor class, and flat-footed armor class. -Dukelzan
Okay, I THINK I'm done. Please look it over and give me the heads up.
"The difference between bravery and stupidity is if the plan works" - Newrok Shadowblade, Saint of Creation in Shadowgate 20:39, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- None of the class features say what type they are -- (Sp), (Ex), or (Su). Surely some of them should have a type.
- At the end of "Hardened Shadows" there is this: "16, part of an indigenous race, home was uprooted by invaders ". Not sure what that's about.
- Hardened Shadows -- no duration listed.
- Shadow Domain -- this is very confusing. Do they get the spell slots of a sorcerer of that level, or what? Explain this better.
- Shadowjump -- "The Darkblade gains a bonus equal to his Darkblade level ". Bonus to what?
- Shadowhealing -- what type of action is this. How much regeneration and how is it bypassed?
- Shadowblow -- I have no idea what this is supposed to do; this ability makes no sense.
- Improved Shadowcall -- what is the "spontaneous conversion" rule?
- Aside from all this, you need more spellchecking. I want you to actually read through every last word you wrote. Read it out loud. If you do this, it will be pretty clear what doesn't make any sense or where the bad grammar is. Surgo 20:47, August 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Okay, I fixed the errors that you pointed out. I may have labeled the powers a little off, but that was because I thought the powers are from a source of extraordinary power. I believe I caught most of the grammar errors too. Pleas look again. Please and thank you. Sorry about the “16, part of an indigenous race, home was uprooted by invaders” thing. I was checking spelling on a word document I had already used. - Dukelzan
"By sacrificing a move action, the Darkblade may cause the shadows around him to harden as if armor. This gives him a bonus to his basic and flat-footed Armor Class. At level 10 it goes up to +2, level 15 it is a +3, and level 20 the bonus is +5. This bonus lasts until the Darkblade decides to use another move action, loses the shadowy illumination, or no longer wishes to power to be active."
I'll use this entry as an example. To fix this requires both updates of the grammar and function. Firstly, one cannot sacrafice a move action (no such function exists). It should say "Activating this ability counts as a standard action". Secondly, there is no such thing as "basic AC". If you want this AC bonus to apply while flat-footed and against touch attacks (which is how I interpretted "basic AC"), it should be a deflection or profane bonus. If it's simply a bonus to AC (with emphasis on retention while flat-footed) it's a plain old enhancement bonus to AC.
"At 5th level, the Darkblade is intuned with shadows enough that he may start casting spells from the shadow domain as if he was a Favoered Soul (see Complete Devine, pages 7 and 8) of 4 levels lower then his Darkblade level. However, the spells can ONLY be from cleric's shadow domain. See  page 87 for spells. This power works as if the Darkblade had picked up levels in Favoered Soul."
For starters, Favored Souls can't access the Shadow Domain. Also, are we casting spontaneously as a Favored Soul? Or are we using Wisdom for DCs and Chariams for bonus spells? This entry is horrbily vague. Why not simply add in a spell progression to eliminate confusion?
I can understand that you have a clear(ish) idea of what you want the class to do, you simply lack the knowledge of the game rules and mechanics to put it into proper words. This is fine. You should be asking people to assist you with bringing your class in line with the rules, rather than trying to make up rules to suit your needs as you go. Right now you only want help with grammar and spelling (and honestly, you have no excuse on the spelling), but you need much more help than that.--Tavis McCricket 23:04, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
- I see your point on the first example with the "Activating this ability counts as a standard action", and I'll fix this as soon as I get a chance. But what I mean by "Basic AC" is when you’re not flat-footed and the attack isn't a touch attack. I've always called this AC "basic" so I have no other way to describe it. If you do, please feel free to edit it. As for the second example, I originally had it as sorcerer, but changed it to Favored Soul so that it had a more "clericish" feel, even though the Darkblade, doesn’t need a deity to cast spells. My biggest problem is that with my game-group, we never tried to make a class, except for me and the GM was so anal that it was a simple “No” every time I brought the subject up, so I am having trouble with it. As for spelling, I’ve always sucked at it but I am using a spell checker and doing the best I can for it and sometimes I just don’t catch the type-o’s. - Dukelzan
- There is Armor Class, Touch Armor Class, and Flat-Footed Armor Class. Simply those three. AC is the sum of all bonuses, including but not limited to size bonuses, armor bonuses, shield bonuses, dodge bonuses, insight bonuses, deflection bonuses, natural armor bonuses, divine and profane bonuses. We seperate them because not all of them stack, and few stack with themselves. For starters, deflection bonuses don't stack with each other, but dodge bonuses do. Touch AC is your base AC (10) plus your size, dodge, and deflection bonuses. Flat-footed AC is everything excpe dodge.
- When creating a spell/power/skill/ability that grants an AC bonus of any kind, you must define what kind of bonus it is. Must, must, must. If I had to guess, based on your expanded explanation, I'd say you are looking at a simple enhancement to the armor bonus (like magic armor gets). That being said, it could still be a handful of things other things...
- As for Favored Souls, you simply picked them because they are divine casters? I can see how that fits thematically, but functionally you have yet to define how you want the class to work. Ignore fluff and flavor, just figure out how it's going to do what you want it to do. Again, I suggest simply giving it it's own spell progression.--Tavis McCricket 18:22, August 16, 2010 (UTC)